Show me the bed

We came back from Beijing last week and since then, I have been exhausted. The trip was quite all right except for the spitterbugs from chinese hell. They spit everywhere and the BF and i spent alot of time staring at the grounds to avoid stepping on them and in the process, missed out on appreciating China better. And did i mention it was freezing! Am not used to the cold and i don't like it one itty itty bit. The BF revels in it though cos he's the Human Heater and feels no cold. Spent all the time there in 4 layers. Not fun.

Publicity, thy name is my woe

Have been planning an event for this coming November, and am right now, panicking that may not be enough people to attend it. I have a pretty great list of speakers lined up and all are rather prolific in their circles but the price tag is rather hefty although nothing close to what the schools and other event companies are charging. They go by thousands, mine is a mere $280 and people are complaining of it being expensive.

Given the recent financial crisis and impending economic forecasts of doom, everyone's tightening their belts and companies are cutting training budgets so this is a really bad time for us to do this event. Am praying so hard that things will turn out all right and that we will have at least 200 pax. I think that should be sufficient to cover the costs.

With all the worry about insurance giant AIG being rescued by the Feds, I surrendered 2 policies (am so fuming mad at AIA now, irrationally or otherwise) yesterday during lunch hour and in the process, lost close to $6,000 OF.MY.HARDEARNED.MONEY. If I can react this way to losing $6k, I can't imagine how it must be for the countless of others who lost their homes, life savings and probably jobs soon. With the cost of food rising, natural disasters and all, think the only ones who will be making money during this period are doctors and funeral homes. Sounds dire? But it makes sense. Can you imagine how many people had heart attacks and a rise in blood pressure on Black Monday? And after the Senate refused to pass the bailout plan initially? I've been reading the papers that more and more suicides are happening because of the loss of jobs, mortgages, retirement funds, etc. It's beyond bleak.

And has it trickled down to our tiny island? I think so. People aren't spending, companies are cutting budgets and those employed by financial institutions and banks are pretty much in a limbo state of uncertainty. Asia had our 1997 crisis and weathered through it and so will the US. What goes down must eventually come up. In other less despairing news, "In a speech yesterday in Milwaukee, President Bush vowed to do whatever it takes to keep the economy strong. In fact he said that if he needs to, he will take vacation for another three months." —Jay Leno (courtesy of www.politicalhumor.about.com)

I think I pay more attention to American, Malaysian, Indonesian or even Thai politics than my own Singaporean politics. They're just more interesting and the things that come out of Sarah Palin's mouth sometimes just leaves me flabbergasted that the McCain would pick such an uncouth person as the vice presidential running mate. And that grating accent... oh mah gawd. Although I don't think Obama is that wonderful, he is preferable to another George "Dubya" Bush. He's just more sincere.

I have no idea why am I talking about my event, insurance policies and how it led to American politicians but I think I should stop now before I head to the topic of werewolves. Which is rather interesting actually, given the book am reading. But will stop myself now.

Books! My first love.

Someone sent me a checklist of 100 classics of all time to see how many you actually read, loved and didn't really like. My really loved list is kind of short.

Here are the instructions:

- Look at the list and bold those you have read.
- Italicise the ones you want to read.
- Underline the books you really loved and strikethrough the ones really didn't enjoy

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6 The Bible
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12 Tess of the D'Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveller's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34 Emma - Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38 Captain Corelli's Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52 Dune - Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
60 Love In A Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones's Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight's Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce
76 The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte's Web - EB White
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

NEVER going to a Pedder Warehouse Sale AGAIN

Saturday and Sunday was the annual Pedder Warehouse Sale where it's up to 80% off designer shoes, handbags and accessories and it was utter madness!! 50% off Marc Jacobs or Louboutins anyone? I've never been to a Pedder Warehouse Sale before and was itching to see what they had on sale. Are the discounts for real? Are the stocks from eons and eons ago?

As curiousity got the better of me, I actually headed down on Saturday morning. The flyer stated 10am opening and initial thoughts was that I would go early and be done within an hour but good golly miss molly! wah lao, there was a queue already! A damn long one by the way...

MA was still in bed and was supposed to meet him at 12pm, I thought ok, I've got some time to kill and took my place in the queue. FOR ONE HOUR. Before I managed to get into that stifling little room. Now I must add that I was not hard up to buy anything, especially since MA got me a gorgeous YSL Muse for my birthday and I had just spring cleaned my wardrobe and shoe closet but the moment I passed the half hour mark, sheer stubborness set in. "I've already waited 30 minutes. I had BETTER get into that room."

Of cos I got in... and discovered, not the first time, that women go absolutely insane when it comes to designer shoes and handbags.on.sale. All niceties, manners and decorum fly out the window. I stood rooted to a spot for a good five minutes taking in the scene while all chaos reigned about. Some smart ones brought their male friends/partners to help them chope a space in the cashier queue, which was another goddamn nightmare. But surprisingly, the goodies were actually quite impressive. Stacks of Pedder Red (aka affordable), Keds (also affordable), Repetto, Christian Louboutin, Stuart Weitzman, Beverly Feldman, Marc Jacobs, and more. ALL.ON.SALE. All the char bors were going nuts! And it was a kind strange comfort to see the common love of shoes that transcends race, colour, profession and social stratas. Some of them bought like they starved all year only to unleash their credit cards for this.

The room was sooo tiny for the amount of people with barely enough oxygen for each and the number of sales persons were pathetic with every one of them save one, wearing masks of misery at the hordes of crazed women shouting "Have size 40 or not? Got gold one? Where is the other half of this pair? This one how much discount hah? Miss, I want that pair!! What else what else? Show me everything you have in size 38!" I was not one of them!

Dear On Pedder, with the amount of ka-ching you guys make, I should think you would be able to afford a larger function room with more staff and cashiers. And shouldn't you have a better system of attending to customers since you do this every year? Have you any idea of the agony of being rounded up like caged cattle separated from goods of desire by a mere table length but not having sufficient sales people to help reach them? Don't be ngiao next year please.

I sorely wanted to buy the Repetto ballet flats but the queue was another long long long line and I was afraid of passing out due to lack of oxygen so I left, EMPTYHANDED. Was so sad.. told MA later that day to remind me never to attempt another Pedder Sale. Consolation was found in a pair of $19.90 flats at Far East Plaza.

Luckiest char bor alive - ME!

Inner Peace...The wonderful, zen-like feeling of being at peace. And I am peaceful..more than I have been in a long time. Just like how I told Pam the other day in the cab, I am happy now. Finally.

A friend called with a job offer about a month ago and the scope sounded all right and the money was really good for that kind of work but it would mean going back to the corporate sector. And whenever I think of stepping back into yet another grey/blue/white skyscraper, it completely paralyses and fills me with dread. The image of impending death of soul.

Contentment and happiness are just not comparable to monetary gains. Yes, I know the cash will go a long way and come in handy but I'm a nicer, better, more loving person when I'm cheery and peaceful. It translates to happier relationships, harmony at home as well as the love front. And you just can't put a dollar value to that sort of thing. The upside is that my organisation is revising our pay (yay!!) and even giving a one-time inflation package. Though it's not much, it shows they care enough about us.

MA tells me not to stress about finding what steps in life to take next but to enjoy the moment, to BE in the moment and cherish it. And the foggy path will clear itself out. I think he's right. I'm not agonising over it anymore. I just enjoy being happy, content and bathed in the love of my family, friends and my man.

I feel like the luckiest girl alive.

Moving on, growing up

It's been almost 8 months here at this little non-profit place. This neurotic, schizo world made up of:

1. Strangers who knock at the door asking the most inane of questions
2. Intellectual radicals who like to rant
3. Complaining aunties, sometimes with good intentions
4. Pro-governement zombies who are just so..so... *roll eyes*
5. See-saw wannabes who toggle between domesticity and independence
6. Sweet, humble folk who enjoy life and understand simplicity
7. Publicity whores
8. Self-important hypocrites who pretend they actually believe in some cause when in reality, they are no. 7

It's been a real eye-opener outside the corporate landscape. In the corp world, everyone's pretty standard in a way. You can see common threads running through people , much like same-coloured strings pulled by the puppet master CEO. Everyone's preoccupied with almost similar worries about cost cutting, operates with efficiency, minds are all geared towards the same goal called the bottomline.

It's not so clearcut in here. There is a mishmash of people from all walks and hierachies of society, from your prolific socialites to the homeless, weak and vunerable, from very young to grandmothers, from pro-PAP to government critics and the idealistic to the jaded machines. My eyes have opened to the many lives of our Singaporean and expatriate ways, thoughts and hearts. Some are golden, some are grey. There is no black and white.

It's been a great ride here. Not all the time but my own weirdness have fit in better here than it had ever did in the corp landscape. I talk as if am leaving and in some ways, I am. Had a quiet session with myself the other day and like I told MA, I think I finally have some inkling of who I am and where I'm headed. And the time's right now. The slow learner is learning. Who knows how long it'll take before I bloom but this is a start. The forum helped me to complete my past, God answered me by bringing my family back together again, MA loves, shoulders and supports me in my growing up. I have every blessing I can have and it's time for me to stop hiding and get out and be out there.

Anne's back from the States and she called the other day saying Nova's hubby is on life support. He had a fall which seemed minor, and shortly after fell into a coma. Now he's in ICU on life support and even if he makes it through, he'll be brain damaged. Would've turned 45 next month. It really shook me. And I don't even know him that well. But every year, the people who die suddenly or from freak accidents creep closer into my 7 degrees of separation. I don't want to die knowing I never tried coming close to my dreams, or never got married or experienced childbirth, or had an only-civil relationship with my parents, or had superficial friendships or didn't give back in some small way. If I had only 15 years left, that's not much time.

Time to get a move on...

In need of redemption

So Lord, what would you have me do?
My life is halfway through
I haven’t accomplished very much
Instead I’ve upped Apathy a notch

Society, all going to the dogs
I’m no better, same sorry sod
Living a world of disillusionment
Where money makes for life’s fulfilment

I don’t understand the people around
Strutting abound with make-believe crowns
What they think mean something
But oh! near sighted, little bitty humdings

Buying into that slim-is-sexy theme
Scalpelling the way to self esteem
Sure, that SUV is will be your salvation
And Victoria’s chic bob your redemption

When did life become so shallow
And materialism good enough for a bedfellow
Then golden toys and trinkets stop thrilling
And an empty darkness loom, beckoning

How to end this fatal existence
With my life a farce and all pretending
But every time to kneel, to start praying
I’ll always just end up blubbering

Bored, blue Monday

I'm not usually blue on Mondays. Unlike a whole lot of other people I know, I'm actually all right with coming to work on Mondays. And this only happens here in this place. With my old jobs, I always dreaded to go into the office. In fact, I dreaded being there the whole week.

This simply tells me that non-profit organisations are better for my peace of mind. I don't know why but after the first 6 months moaning about the lack of structure, lack of IT personnel and budgets, I've come to realise that I actually prefer here than all of my other jobs combined. And all of those were in the corporate sector. I've always been a misfit there. I can look the part but honestly, the whole culture just leaves me stumped and confused and disillusioned. People seem to talk in tongues. But that's just me.

After being in an NPO for almost 8 months now, I'm bored. People offer me a whole range of reasons from it's because it's not my calling to because NPOs are slow. NPOs are relatively laid back and there's alot less politics... I mean there are no bottom lines to speak of and there are so few staff, what's there to compete? It's largely harmonious but there's no such thing as perfect harmony when there's a bunch of humans around each other. 2 already got problem. Pet peeves, annoying habits and browlifting quirks will manifest themselves in no time.

Let me introduce you to my colls.

There's one with huge boobs and I'm talking HUGE. Double Ds have nothing on this gal. I'm talking G-cups here. She can be quite all right but sometimes is a real bimbo. Is never organised and leaves the rest of us to clean up after her all the time. I lost it last week and gave her a talking to but I don't really know how much registered. And this hot-air behaviour of hers really riles up another coll who is a real smart chick but suffers from the negavitity-cum-complainer syndrome. She has a heart of gold and very quick witted but is always so negative about life. And people. I get along with her the most because she seems the most genuine. And auntie like me. Then I have another coll who the blurrest of us all. And sometimes, I think it's put on so she can get away with alot of other stuff. She suffers from verbal diarrheoa from time to time saying out loud things we only say in our head. She told an ex-coll straight to her face, "You're the kind of person who only talks but no action lah." in her sweet, gentle motherly voice, with a straight face and has no ill intent behind it at all. We have an intern currently. An econs undergrad cum modern dancer who's the most indecisive 21 year old I've come across. Can be so aggro at times. Gen Y lah, I tell myself. And our boss is a highly intelligent liberal with mood swings and a sweet tooth who jumps at everything and thinks we have ESP and can read her mind.

So this is my life now. For 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. But overall, they are nice people, nicer and more genuine than the types I used to meet at the bank. I'd rather someone had verbal diarrheoa all the time and spoke their mind than leave me guessing when I'll get stabbed in the back. It's like a little family here and I am rather contented. Except for the job scope.

It's not difficult but it takes me out of my comfort zone. Like PR and event management which are both not my forte. Then again, I don't know what my forte is. But making small talk to random strangers and sales pitches and organising events are not easy peasy for me. Never has been. Perhaps never will. Maybe it'll come in handy for my next move in life. But at the same time, I am administrator, website content manager, copywriter, graphic designer, salesperson, event person, IT person, receptionist, customer service rep. Basically PKL lah.

Am seriously contemplating the next move already. I am fairly sure I received my sign (I think) from above but I have no idea why I am so scared. Time to prayer harder. But I know my prayers are always heard. And answered. In His own time of course.

Plain, Simple and Pink

My girlfriend Angela has always badgered me to do more on my blog. Post pictures! Links! Have music and err.. I can't recall what else. I think if I gave her free rein, I think it will look a lot better than its current state. Babe, you want to try?

But I have never done more than to colour the background and text and change the fonts. Apart from my ineptitude with the simplest of tech, I found that self-expression pervades everything in my life and that translates to Plain and Simple.

My clothes, bedroom, scrapbooks, photo albums, Facebook account, and almost everything says the same thing. It's always be plain (rarely patterned) colours, decorated in a way that's almost childish. If I took photos of my wardrobe, shoe cupboard, scrapbooks and bedroom, you'll know what I mean.

Maybe it's a Virgo thing.

Some of My Favourite Quotes

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night.".

Charlie Brown

Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.

Oscar Wilde

When I examine myself and my methods of thought, I come to the conclusion that the gift of fantasy has meant more to me than my talent for absorbing positive knowledge.

Albert Einstein

God doesn't require us to succeed; he only requires that you try.

Mother Teresa

Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.

Oscar Wilde

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

Albert Einstein

I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much.

Mother Teresa

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens.

Carl Jung

Some men see things as they are and ask why. Others dream things that never were and ask why not.

George Bernard Shaw

To see a world in a grain of sand
And a heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand
And eternity in an hour.

Auguries of Innocence - William Blake

Movie Review!

Latest movies watched:

1. Iron Man

2. What Happens in Las Vegas

Who would've thought Robert Downey JR was actually quite a good fit to play the annoying self-involved weapons designer cum ladies man? Perfect amount of smug and seriousness and drywit, I applaud the consummate actor for being perfectly believable as Tony Stark. Not the usual, kazillionaire-by-day and drowning-in-angst vigilante by-nite (Batman where art thou?), this superhero actually loves being one and thinks nothing of flaunting the must have outfit and gadgetry, which in this case, is very probably not made of iron, in broad daylight. My mother would have approved of the colour combi. Very auspicious.

Poor Gwyneth though. Pepper Potts really dumbed down this smart blonde. No wonder they dyed her hair red for this movie. Also very auspicious lah. I'd say all the ang worked. Look at the amount of money the movie made at the box office.

On the chick-com side, What Happens in Vegas is the usual cute but perfectly predictable rom-com starring the perfectly likable Ashton and Cameron. All perfect hair and perfect teeth and both very tall. But Cameron looks like she overdid the spray tan. What issit about the ang mohs and their obsession with "sunkissedness"?
Dounch unnerstand. Pefectly forgettable movie. I felt a mite ripped off cos it felt like a lame movie by 2 stars capable of better stuff but decided to boost their bank accounts by having a lot of fun on-screen at our expense.

Huh goes the mo

Be happy for those around you
Although you’re crying inside
For the injustice of it all
That you’re always
The last one left behind

What your heart desires
Never seems to ever come to fruit
And you wonder where you’ve gone wrong
Again. To experience the happiness
Only through other peoples’ lives

You tell yourself to stop feeling sorry
To quit having pity
To rejoice in the hand fate dealt you
And forget about the rest
Like the longing in your heart

Like the man whose feet are too big for his shoes
You have what you have but they never fit
So do you accept those shoes
Or would you rather go barefoot
And wait for the glass slipper?

Some say you make those shoes
But what if cobbler training fails you
Then what have you to show?
But tattered leather and bare feet
And even sorrier than you were before

How do you be happy for others
When you aren’t happy?
How do you make the way for yourself
When you’re horrendous at maps?
Or is it ok to get lost and let fate lead the way

I’ve tried all them guide books
And all the so-called inspiration stuff
Even turned my life over to God
He says patience my child
I say Father I’ve waited too long

I’m tired of being patient to be patient
I’m tired of being left behind
I’m tired of always being the last
And never being the first
Am I missing something?

When will I, will I be normal?

I don't know about you but from the earliest time I can recall, I know that I'm not normal. Not in a bad way or a good way. Just different from the usual people and how I long to be normal. To be run 'o the mill... to be like any other Singaporean girl.. whatever that means. I can't comment since I've never been to "normality". This kind of makes me sound like a retard but perhaps in some abstract way, we're not so different. Only that retardation is an accepted normality and to an extent evident in the physical makeup. My disability is hidden and cannot be detected unless you are close to me or in constant contact. I don't know which is worse.

I've tried my damnest to fit in all my life. In kindergarten, I was the girl who spoke english and no mandarin in a class of chinese speaking PAP kids. There was just a total communication lapse and it was only after I learnt mandarin that it became better. I had maybe 2 friends and I really didn't like boys. So smelly... so noisy.

Primary school wasn't much better. Alot of my kindergarten classmates went to the same neighbourhood school so same communication difficulties. I was the teacher's pet with the unpronoucable ang mo name and totally hilarious cheena one. I was the one that won every gold track and field trophy for 6 years in a row but really hated to run. I was class monitress, prefect and god knows what else. I was the one that the boys had crushes on and incurred the wrath of some females. Yes, we're talking about primary school. Don't ask me why kids have crushes at that age. I didn't. I was merely the object of desire that stuffed chili padi down their throats. I know this doesn't sound too bad but all of it made me stick out. And all I ever wanted was to be the wallflower. I don't want the limelight. Not comfortable.

Then after 6 years of being pushed to the front, I finally went to a Catholic school and there, I still stuck out like a sore thumb. The neighbourhood school girl with the funny chinese name. Still prefect, still track and field. Some things don't change despite my protests. Except now no boys. Or so I thought. Man, convent girls grow up fast! They found my gullibility and country bumpkin-ness endearing I suppose. Cos the notoriously naughty ones became my circle of friends. And led me astray.

Ok, this childhood bit is getting a bit long and tedious. And while I can safely say i spent the happiest days of my school life in secondary school (cos most of them spoke my language. It was wonderful and carefree and I think I kept some of my innocence despite all my worldly, wayward friends.

College was a nightmare. Worst 2 years of my life with the only saving grace being my girlfriends that I made and still have them till today. I could go on and on on how to be weirdo without trying and I'm tired. I'm exhausted at trying to playact and brainwash myself and reprogramme to be conventional and fit in. Think like a practical Singaporean. Be a typical girl. Don't think so much. Concentrate on the career and make as much money as possible because the cost of living is rising and have to prepare for retirement. I don't know if this makes sense, but it's taxing. Very very taxing.

I'm tired. Exhausted. My sanity is hanging by a spider's thread.

What it feels like to be me

Sounds like an awfully self-absorbed title doesn't it?

But only if being me was something so wonderful, so worthy of being envious about.

Perhaps to some it is since there are people alot less fortunate that I am but I figure, to the mass masses out there, it is a life not-so-extraordinary to arouse any lift of an eyebrow.

Whine Whore

It's official. I am, like a (4)million other singaporeans, a whine whore.

It's like I was born into knowing instinctively that I should always whine. And I'm starting to irritate myself. And even if my family and boyfriend and friends don't tell me so, I think it's because they love me.

Insight and current self-loathing