I'm exhausted.
I'm so glad the event's over but I've never been so tired to do a relatively simple forum. I was tired before I embarked on it and even more so during. And now that it's over, and despite my 10.30pm lights out policy these days, the lingering effects of fatigue are not fading away. I.AM.GETTING.OLD.
Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
When did this ageing process creep up on me without me knowing???
Sad but true. My skin's in such terrible condition that even a 80-minute SKll facial could only do so much. The facialist recommended me to intensively treat the problem with 2 masks per week for a month for it to stabilise. Wah Lao... a pack of 6 masks ($98 - $115) will last me only 3 weeks. So smart little me has decided to alternate between a regular Watsons hydrating and whitening mask ($7.95 for pack of 6) and the SKll one so that that SKll pack will last me 6 weeks instead. And so far, after 2 weeks, it's working. Skin's more hydrated, pigmentation less prominent (I have some terrible scars lately from all the breakouts) and makeup glides on alot better than before. Even the colls said my complexion looks brighter.
Moral of the story - Use masks regularly. I'm a total convert. Even the cheap ones are ok. I just don't buy those made in China. Scared lah. The Watsons ones I use is made in Korea. Green box one - nothing fancy but does its job. And I have what they call complicated skin. Very thin and sensitive. Plus dehydrated on top and oily below. This was the conclusion using the SKll skin analyser thingamajig.
I get so envious looking at my sister's skin which can use almost anything drugstore and reaps results, or at The Bf's seemingly poreless complexion which he does not use anything except Eversoft facewash. Some people are born with good skin. Sigh...
I wonder if I should go back to Kin Mun Clinic for a light and peel soon.
28 Jul 2009
6 Jul 2009
Am I cursed or something?
It's been awhile hasn't it? I write 3 posts in a month, then disappear for 3 months. I guess that's because my life's been happy and peaceful up till now. I had 3 months of quiet and uneventfulness. Some people may think it's boring. I find it wonderful. Life doesn't have to be a witch's brew of excitement and adventures for it to be fulfilling. I like the coasting. I like the soft rocking of a hammock and the bubbling of a brook to the roar of the ocean. Then again, I have always been a laid back type of gal. And I make no apologies for it. All the "polite feedback" from industrious busy bees be damned.
My peace was shattered last evening. By another tumultuous turn in The Relationship. No, it didn't end. No, it wasn't even that big a fight. No, there were no 3rd parties. The horror descended in the form of realisation that I could very well be damned. Or cursed when it came to happy relations. Either that or I have to be constantly reminded that it comes with a hefty pricetag. Or that it never lasts and I'm just kidding myself that I can sustain a peaceful relationship.
Earlier the same day, I was just thinking we're going to be fine. All is good and calm. We're very happy, warm and fuzzy, shit hit the fan right that evening and brought me thumping back to earth. We had a horrid end to the evening. I teared for a little while then nothing. Just numb. Here it goes again... I'm never meant to be happy for long am I?
Something has always got to get screwed up. And somehow it's always my fault.
Again.
Always wrong.
Always the troublemaker.
Always. Always. Always.
Again. Again. Again.
Lesson learned - never be consciously happy. Never think to yourself that you are blessed for long. Cos it bites you in the butt like a rottweiler.
My peace was shattered last evening. By another tumultuous turn in The Relationship. No, it didn't end. No, it wasn't even that big a fight. No, there were no 3rd parties. The horror descended in the form of realisation that I could very well be damned. Or cursed when it came to happy relations. Either that or I have to be constantly reminded that it comes with a hefty pricetag. Or that it never lasts and I'm just kidding myself that I can sustain a peaceful relationship.
Earlier the same day, I was just thinking we're going to be fine. All is good and calm. We're very happy, warm and fuzzy, shit hit the fan right that evening and brought me thumping back to earth. We had a horrid end to the evening. I teared for a little while then nothing. Just numb. Here it goes again... I'm never meant to be happy for long am I?
Something has always got to get screwed up. And somehow it's always my fault.
Again.
Always wrong.
Always the troublemaker.
Always. Always. Always.
Again. Again. Again.
Lesson learned - never be consciously happy. Never think to yourself that you are blessed for long. Cos it bites you in the butt like a rottweiler.
25 Mar 2009
Reminder of God's grace
I don't think I have ever posted 3x in a month before so this is a record.But the reason for this post is because I read my 20 year old cousin's post on Facebook and it moved me to tears. This a girl 11 years my junior. Heck, she's born in 1989!!! Yet she is so incredibly mature for her age and probably even more so than me at mine now. If I ever had a daughter, I would want her to be just like Nat.
Here's an excerpt from her post from 1 January 2009 and I just wanted to put it here on my blog so that I will always be reminded of it.
And thank you Nat for the reminder that God is faithful forevermore and when you surrender, everything just falls into place.
Just before 12AM today, it struck me that this is the second year I can truly say that I have absolutely no regrets for the old year, and that I look forward to the year ahead with joy, hope, and more than that - a sense of security and confidence that it will be great. It is an amazing and privileged position to be in. More than that, it is a position that is pretty impossible to achieve on my own.
Honestly, how can anyone hope to have no regrets, disappointments or fears going into the new year, unless they have lived the year perfectly? And I know I haven't. I've screwed up as much as the average person, maybe more. There are so many things I could have done better. But as I was looking back, trying to figure out what the big mistakes of 2008 were so I could do better in 2009, I could barely see them. All I could see was the overwhelming grace of God covering every aspect of my life. Turning mistakes into successes that drew me closer to Him. Leading me and walking beside me through every situation big and small (including sleeping on airport benches in Heathrow).
It's not that I don't have a list of things that should be done better in 2009, it's just that for each thing on that list, I can recall the Lord's faithfulness in 2008 - in spite of those failures. Those things don't hold me back because someone bigger, stronger and kinder than me is leading me in paths of righteousness, and there's no turning back.
I realised recently that the very best place to be is one of gratitude. Not a hurriedly belted-out thanks-for-the-turkey, or even making a long list of thanksgivings (though that might serve as an means of expression). It's being brought to a position of knowing how undeserving I am of everything I've been given. Job, grades, scholarship, family, spiritual family and leadership, CHC, good roommate, safe travel, and most importantly His presence and guidance and patience in spite of my selfishness, rebelliousness and unfaithfulness. His mercy and forgiveness through the blood and the cross.
It reaches a point of wanting to ask "WHY am I so blessed? I don't understand. I should be cast out, alone in the depths of the earth for all the crap I've done." At that point words fail and raised hands and tears and bowed knees can only begin to express the overflowing gratitude and joy of the heart. When grace is poured out, I see my smallness in the light of God's abundance and there is no other way to respond.
Crossing over into the new year, that's the place I find myself again. And with this gratitude comes boldness and a hopeful certainty, because what God did in 2007, He did again in 2008, and He'll do again in 2009 - "He leads me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake." Faith in someone who is faithful is relying on someone reliable. It's a very sensible thing to do - that's why businesses stress their track record. "Anchor beer, brewed since 1896," etc. I imagine a similar slogan - "God, faithful since The Beginning." There's no one else I will surrender my 2009, and beyond that, my entire life to with joy and thanksgiving.
It will be an amazing year, and an amazing lifetime."
Here's an excerpt from her post from 1 January 2009 and I just wanted to put it here on my blog so that I will always be reminded of it.
And thank you Nat for the reminder that God is faithful forevermore and when you surrender, everything just falls into place.
Just before 12AM today, it struck me that this is the second year I can truly say that I have absolutely no regrets for the old year, and that I look forward to the year ahead with joy, hope, and more than that - a sense of security and confidence that it will be great. It is an amazing and privileged position to be in. More than that, it is a position that is pretty impossible to achieve on my own.
Honestly, how can anyone hope to have no regrets, disappointments or fears going into the new year, unless they have lived the year perfectly? And I know I haven't. I've screwed up as much as the average person, maybe more. There are so many things I could have done better. But as I was looking back, trying to figure out what the big mistakes of 2008 were so I could do better in 2009, I could barely see them. All I could see was the overwhelming grace of God covering every aspect of my life. Turning mistakes into successes that drew me closer to Him. Leading me and walking beside me through every situation big and small (including sleeping on airport benches in Heathrow).
It's not that I don't have a list of things that should be done better in 2009, it's just that for each thing on that list, I can recall the Lord's faithfulness in 2008 - in spite of those failures. Those things don't hold me back because someone bigger, stronger and kinder than me is leading me in paths of righteousness, and there's no turning back.
I realised recently that the very best place to be is one of gratitude. Not a hurriedly belted-out thanks-for-the-turkey, or even making a long list of thanksgivings (though that might serve as an means of expression). It's being brought to a position of knowing how undeserving I am of everything I've been given. Job, grades, scholarship, family, spiritual family and leadership, CHC, good roommate, safe travel, and most importantly His presence and guidance and patience in spite of my selfishness, rebelliousness and unfaithfulness. His mercy and forgiveness through the blood and the cross.
It reaches a point of wanting to ask "WHY am I so blessed? I don't understand. I should be cast out, alone in the depths of the earth for all the crap I've done." At that point words fail and raised hands and tears and bowed knees can only begin to express the overflowing gratitude and joy of the heart. When grace is poured out, I see my smallness in the light of God's abundance and there is no other way to respond.
Crossing over into the new year, that's the place I find myself again. And with this gratitude comes boldness and a hopeful certainty, because what God did in 2007, He did again in 2008, and He'll do again in 2009 - "He leads me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake." Faith in someone who is faithful is relying on someone reliable. It's a very sensible thing to do - that's why businesses stress their track record. "Anchor beer, brewed since 1896," etc. I imagine a similar slogan - "God, faithful since The Beginning." There's no one else I will surrender my 2009, and beyond that, my entire life to with joy and thanksgiving.
It will be an amazing year, and an amazing lifetime."
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